It's Story Time!

"Argh!" I flung my arm from where it had been shading my eyes from the increasing brightness of the morning sun, and with a shuddering exhale, I swung my feet to the floor. Before I could change my mind and fall back into denial and my soft, warm bed, I rose to my feet. My gaze did a slow perusal of my bedroom, coming to a rest at the opposite corner where my clothes for the day were laid out.

I felt a squeeze of warmth, remembering my childhood days of planning the night before what I would wear for school the next day. I drew in that small measure of comfort, grateful that one decision was taken care of. To think, as a child and teen, all we want is to be able to make our own decisions -- right or wrong, good or bad, we just want that ability to decide. Now, as an adult I don't always like or appreciate the myriad amount of daily decisions I need to make. I think that's where the phrase 'paralysis analysis' may come from.

Shaking my head to bring myself back to the present, I realized I was falling into my old pattern of "let's think of anything else instead of what needs to be done." I slowly approached my dresser and mirror, stopping to bring into focus the many brightly colored sticky notes dotted all around the edges of my mirror.

With a deep indrawn breath, which I held for a few beats, using a health coaching technique to bring me fully into the present, followed by a forceful, audible exhale, I looked at the first fuchsia pink note. It read, "You can do this!" I paused there for a moment, hoping the words would sink in deeper than last night when I had looked at them just before bed. My gaze slid to the next brightly colored note, this time in a punch of purple, "You are made for this!" Slowly, with a building sense of strength, I let my gaze go from one bright colored note to the next, praying the words would leap from the paper and deep into my psyche.

Months of preparation and planning were finally coming to a fast close in just a matter of hours. Who was I kidding? It felt more like I had been working towards this goal all my life. This was the toughest time, crunch time, the finish line almost in sight, but first the gauntlet must be run. Right about now my mind wanted to go along with my body, which was trying to whisper, loudly, I may add, convincing me that I was in imminent danger, and to run as far and as fast as possible away from here.

Reaching my arms above my head, spreading my fingers as wide as possible, and leaning back I gave myself a releasing stretch. It's funny (or maybe not so funny) how easy it is for me to coach someone else somatic practices that help them deal with situations they find stressful, but how much tougher it is for me to do so when faced with my own challenges.

My mind went through different exercises and I latched on to a few favorites I knew would bring me to absolute readiness to face this day head on. Placing those moves to the back of my mind, I would draw on them closer to the time. Right now, though, I knew what I needed to do, and with renewed purpose I turned and walked towards the window. With growing delight, I looked out. I eagerly sat down, pulling my Bible into my lap. I looked at the beauty of the day laid before me, and a sigh of satisfaction slipped from my lips.

Isa 30:21 And your ears shall hear a word behind you, saying, “This is the way, walk in it,” when you turn to the right or when you turn to the left. ESV

Lifting my head and looking out again, I felt God's words settling deep into my spirit. Rising from my chair, I reached over and put on my clothes knowing I would face this day with a calmness that can only come from knowing who I am, and whose I am.

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